Hip Flexor Horn


Brett Horn and his poppin Aveo

Dylan Young, Hip Flexor Horn

Do you know who Brett Horn really is? If not, then you should because he is a majestic human being. He’ll remind you of an emperor penguin from the arctic, a capybara, or maybe a majestic shamu hopping through some waves.

Horn is a fullback for the GM football team on offense and a linebacker on defense. Horn has a shirt that says “Big Boy Football” on the back, and we call him “master big boy” because Horn is a big and beastly boy. He is scary and destroys people like an angry desert rain frog preparing to mate. Last season, Horn tore his hip flexor in the beginning of last season because he landed on it wrong in practice. Master big boy missed half of the season because of it. Horn may have been the football team’s leg up that allowed them to start getting some W’s this season.  

Brett also worked at Splash Lagoon. He was a lifeguard and he says that he hated it there because people were stupid and didn’t listen to him.  Brett no longer works at Splash Lagoon.  Horn’s diet mostly consists of chicky and Little Caesars. Horn can eat a whole Little Caesars pizza by himself, and that may be his bigger set talent.  However Horn confided that he likes chicky more than Little Caesars pizza.

Horn also enjoys taking Walmart runs. During this past summer, there came a time where Horn and some other friends were very bored on some days and had nothing to do, so they would just make lots of trips to Walmart. At Walmart they built forts and played with toys which resulted in getting kicked out once or twice. Horn and company agreed it was a lit way to spend time when they were bored.

The Poppin’ Aveo is Horn’s pimpin’ car. He used to drive around his mom’s minivan. He was rough on it and it started acting whack. Horn bought his car, the Poppin’ Aveo, off of his brother and it is his prized possession. When asked when will the Poppin’ Aveo be replaced, Horn merely stated a puzzling, “Yes.”

Another interesting fact about Horn is that he will be dropping a mixtape around Christmas time titled “MVL.” This stands for Mini Van Life. This mixtape is very anticipated as everyone is very interested to see how good Horn’s music will be. So now after getting some information on Brett Horn, you know how majestic, interesting, and amazing big boy Brett really is.